chemo #5

I should be feeling so gung-ho – after all it is my next to last treatment. but instead I feel depressed. Not this again, my body seems to be saying. At the Oncologist’s office I made a joke about how, while waiting for my appt, I went out to the ladies room in the hall by the elevators. but my body turned towards the elevators and was about to push the button. I could chalk it up to the so-called “chemo brain”, that I was just feeling spacey. This phenomenon was also responsible for me not remenbering how old I am, I mean really not remembering, not even able to do the math from 1974.

But I think it was more like an escape mechanism. Evey part of my being didn’t want to go through the nausea, the pain, the exhaustion again, only to feel better for a short time (maybe a week if I’m lucky) and then do it all over again. Messages of support welcome.

—erika

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